who stole my magic???

I just finished reading this marvelous book from Jenny Manuel and it's amazing how women can actually view breaking up in a totally different perspective. Sure breaking up is hard....being dumped is dreadful! However, in some cases what's even more difficult is to wake up one morning and find yourself in a relationship used to be that BIG and sweet and serious to feel no longer the same. You know it can’t be happening.

You try to think things over. Refresh your mind of memories of your great love. Read on his letters. Stare at your pictures. Watch your funny videos when surprisingly after having been doing all these things, there's still no trace of magic comin back.

You think about the years you've been together, this kind of relationship and strong bond you've already established with his family, the things he's done for you, the sacrifices you've made in the past just to make things work. And yet there still no sign of magic comin back.

You narrow down to conclusions like -- maybe it's just the distance and communication crisis that had triggered the sudden depletion of this magic potion as we may call it. Perhaps, all you need now is a lil space and time (although in my case, I've more than enough of it). You venture to some never never land to find yourself searching for answers and yet all you can ever come up with is nothing. NADA!

Now the realization finally dawns on you-- that things had been different. And you know soon enough life with him and commitments will begin to tear away. There's just no point of bringing back something that no longer exists.

The magic had just worn off.

T’was a fairly fine evening...I was listening to an upbeat house music when he called up totally unexpected. I knew that was it. I've had it in mind and in my heart that it's no longer in the 'works' for us but I’ve just been chickening out the past months. This time, before things get even more complicated – I had to do the deed. Somehow I felt like he had an inkling of what's gonna happen as there were unusual awkward moments and long silent pauses. “Gurl speak up before the call cuts off!” I told myself.

I gathered all the strength I could ever muster given the fact that I’m the weakest person you'd ever know when it comes to things like this. But there seems to be a big lump stuck between my throat I couldn’t speak up. It's strange that in the middle of chaos, you still managed to think about the most appropriate words. Phrases. Sentences that'll imply your intentions yet would sound the least hurtful.

Sadly there's none.

No. I’d rather not spill the details as it may cause deadly goose bumps to the reader. The point is—I…drama queen (ok I couldn’t think of the most politically correct word) “dumped” him. Right there and then.

They say being dumped is tragic. True. But dumping someone because you know for sure that things are not and will never be the same is even worse. Especially if you know that both of you have had so much history goin.

People would start asking questions. Why??? It’s retarded. Really!

Asking someone to explain why they don't love you no more is like trying to explain the concept of world wide web to an ant. In such same way that words could not fully explain why you love someone, they will always come up short when trying to explain why you don't.

Feelings fade. And for reasons not instantly comprehensible relationships end.

It is strange indeed. Although I initiated the break up, the aftermath wasn't easy at all. I had to swallow in major changes and accept the fact which I thought would be impossible way back - that I’m actually on my own now. It was torment knowing that you've made the most important person in the past 4 years of life feeling miserable because of your change of heart. Feelings you didn’t mean to lose but lost it anyway…

This may sound really cheesy but even if your love is not reciprocated, the fact that we can love and be loved is a gift in itself. Joy, pain, pleasure, misery- they all come in one package. Important thing is that we don’t become bitter. Instead see life in a totally new light.

You'll see-- love is never sought in the people around you. The magic simply lives inside of you. Y